Finding Summer Sparkle in Fifteen Ways


Summer seeds and patio time, part of the recipe for summer sparkle.

Summer seeds and patio time, part of the recipe for summer sparkle.

Summer is the season of heat and big plans. Summers in childhood meant afternoons reading on the porch, sleeping late, riding in the car on road trips to visit family, weekend camping trips in our green Volkswagen, calculating how much time I would have in the town pool, grilling outside for dinner, staying up late in the cool and dark, eating watermelon, playing cards. Summers in high school and college included some of those childhood activities, but also included work, school, internships, and filling up the summer with experiences for the resume and for relaxing. After college, summer lost some of its magic for me, as it passed without benchmarks of vacations. Or maybe it was the fact that, except for the heat, it wasn’t any different from the rest of my year. I realized that I had let the sparkle of summer disappear. The sparkle began to come back when I found my vocation as an environmental educator a decade ago. Some think it’s because I have summers doing different things, and part of that is true.

I have a nine-month permanent job, but not necessarily a gig where I don’t need income in the summer. I’ve been lucky enough to stumble upon summer stints, usually filling in part-time in another department of the NGO where I work. Sometimes I have been scarily close to not making rent for the season, but somehow I always squeak by. Better financial planning and budgeting on my part could help rectify this somewhat. Despite the financial precariousness, I really enjoy getting to do something slightly different during the summer. It’s a chance to stretch new professional muscles or coast through a summer smiling and answering simple, repetitive questions. I have filled in at the front desk, worked as the farmers’ market worm compost educator, answered phones, completed research for the grant writer, served as a customer service rep for businesses attempting to improve their environmental performance, and planned and executed operations for recycling and composting at community events. This summer, I will work part-time, filling in at the recycling center service window, writing a big article, and working on the website. I am excited to try some new projects and to recharge my teaching batteries by letting them rest. It’s a blessing and a challenge to be able to try new things for the summer and to return to my lovely vocation in the fall.

When I speak of sparkle, I don’t mean the shine of diamonds or bling, I mean the excitement and joy that comes from a life well-lived and in balance. It’s not just about my fulfillment, but finding ways to fulfill others in things that I do.

Sometime in the future I may not be as professionally fulfilled or as relaxed about summer expenses. I may find myself returning to the rut without the sparkle. I realize that I need to recreate that sparkle in any way that I can. Here are some things I look forward to during the sparkling summer, knowing there will still be challenging days and dull days.

1. Memorial weekend camping trip to Custer State Park: I look forward to camping and hanging out with Sam, a good friend from college, in South Dakota. I will finally get to meet her husband of several years. Camping with friends is a great way to get acquainted or reacquainted and I’m lucky that she asked me to go along on the adventure. I look forward to time in a beautiful place, hiking and checking out some of the nearby national parks.

2. Garage sale: A summer tradition in the U.S., especially those of us weeding and wading through belongings. I am slowly parting with possessions and making peace with stuff. My generous dad and stepmother are sharing their garage and sidewalk, so my sister and I will bring a few things over and make a little or a lot of cash. What we don’t sell will go for donation and we’ll celebrate lightening the load.

3. Presidential Library road trip with my mother: My mom and I are driving to visit the presidential libraries of Truman and Eisenhower. Looking forward to one-on-one time and to learn a bit more about these men and their places in history. My mom has some other spots she wants to visit and I’ll go willingly. She has gracefully accepted my request to camp along the way.

4. Canadian road trip for the Dixie Chicks: My sister Kelly and I purchased tickets back in February or March to go to the Craven Country Jamboree in Regina, Saskatchewan. We’ll camp and see the band we love come out of semi-retirement for an evening of magic. Tim McGraw, Kenny Chesney, and Randy Travis are on the same weekend’s concert docket and I’m looking forward to singing to songs I’ve known for years. We will have sisterhood time, away from the bustle and grind of the day-to-day.

5. Sowing summer seeds: Several years I’ve failed miserably at container gardening, but I swear this summer will be different. I’ve started some plants from seeds, but also bought some plants well on their way. I’ll be reading and watering and experimenting with compost tea. I hope to enjoy some tomatoes, strawberries, herbs, onions, garlic and the awe of nursing plants from seed to table.

6. Swimming: I bought a summer pass to the city’s pools and I’m taking more swimming lessons. I want to float and dream and learn to move through the water more skillfully and gracefully.

7. Trying out sculling: There’s a group here that offers sculling classes. My sister expressed interest and I think it will be fun to try a new sport in water. Plus it’s always great to learn with someone you love.

8. Streaking through summer: I plan on participating in a summer streak, trying to run at least a mile a day all summer. I plan to do it fully clothed, though. Moving with my feet, sweat pooling, to freedom and lightness for 100 days.

8. Reading and Writing: I should have enough free time this summer to accomplish some personal projects. There are always lots of books on my list to read and examine and question. In the last year and a half, I have really fallen in love with writing, for this blog and for myself. It’s fun to exercise a much-loved writing muscle and to be brazen enough to try. I had an essay published this spring in the local library anthology and an article has been placed on hold by another publication, meaning they might want to publish in the next year. I’m not delirious enough to think that I’ll become a best-selling author, but I’d like to try a few things and see what comes of it. Someone said, the beauty is in the try. I’m going for it.

9. Noodling through next steps: At least for a couple of years now, I’ve been anxious to take next steps and make big changes. I have hinted at those in this blog, so I want to use the summer for getting the ducks in a row. Polishing up my resume, applying for things, and getting brave enough to articulate what I really want. I have committed to one more teaching year at my current job. It’s about the personal and professional, but also about finances and prudence. So, I have a year to figure things out, but the summer is really about laying the groundwork and putting the walk to my talk.

10. Volunteering adventures: I am planning to do some volunteer work for a friend’s NGO, via my computer and the internet. I also hope to find some other ways to do some volunteering that feels like meaningful service.

11. Learning to teach: I found a free two-day summer workshop for educators and I’m looking forward to professional development and examining how I do what I do. It’s always scary and refreshing to examine and learn and grow.

12. A little bit of lollygagging: I will spend some time on the patio, playing solitaire, sipping iced tea, reading. I will take naps and watch the bugs. I will revel in some spare time, watching the world rush by as I slow down a bit.

13. Working on another tongue: I plan on spending some time studying and speaking Spanish. It’s a language I love; I understand some and speak little. I would like more Spanish in my life: more speaking, singing, and understanding. Perhaps it will be useful professionally, but also for me it’s about the connection to others.

14. Cooking and cleaning and washing: Sometimes the everyday rituals get lost in a summer of special adventures, so I look forward to the mundane and the quiet. I know the beauty is in the doing. I’m looking forward to summer recipes and I’m planning to make a game of using up the cupboard staples as a way to cut down on waste and as an exercise in frugality.

15. Vaya con Dios (Go With God): I have never had a peaceful or easy relationship with God and religion, but I’m tired of all the struggle and worry. I am coming out of the closet as a Christian (some will wonder what closet) and I’m fishing for my spiritual community. I think I have found the church, right near where I live. I’m planning a spiritual retreat for three days in August and I am finding ways so that my personal, ethical, and social beliefs all come together. It won’t be easy and I’ll continue to struggle and doubt, but now I know that’s part of the journey. I am also discovering that the Christian tent is large and I don’t have to find everything in common with other people under that tent. It’s more my belief and to act and pray out of love and kindness. Love and kindness, finding them in my heart and showing them beyond words. Practice, practice, praxis.

I realize that I as write these words and take these steps, it’s all about living and practicing and stumbling and continuing. What will you do this summer? What helps you to sparkle?

A Web of Wonderful, Working Worms


A red wiggler.

“Behold this compost! behold it well!”–Walt Whitman, This Compost

For fourteen years, I have housed another species in my home, this one at least deliberately. Eisenia fetida, a species of earth worms, are commonly known as red worms or red wigglers. They are less adventurous than the ones you might find a few inches below the surface of the soil around your yard. I like to joke that these are the “couch potatoes” of earth worms: they can eat half of their weight in a day and they generally don’t move around a lot. If you think about it, they are the perfect house guest, especially because they will eat rotten leftovers. These earth worms also make great pets: you don’t have to take them on walks, they won’t disturb the neighbors, and you don’t have to get a worm sitter when you take a trip.

Hosting these worms is more than just an inter-species “living together” experiment. It is part of my attempt at being more self-sufficient and finding a way that my actions can overlap easily with my beliefs. But before you think I am going to get up on my soap box, err worm bin, I will not. Plus, I like science and pets and gardening and the worms help to indulge all those fancies. Over time it has become a hobby and part of my practice, a simple way to unite with my discards. And I could talk about compost until the worms come home. Occasionally, I give how-to-compost workshops and I like to point out the ease of effort. Unlike many other endeavors, it requires no collaboration, no infrastructure, no one even needs to know. These red wigglers are the worms for indoor home composting. Lots of people can try backyard composting, but if you are without a yard or an outdoor space, what to do? Vermicomposting, or worm composting is the answer. It’s also a way to compost without worrying about winter weather, without worrying about the next door neighbors, without worrying about wildlife that might be digging in a backyard bin. Thanks to Mary Appelhof, known as the Worm Woman, who wrote the now classic Worms Eat My Garbage in 1982, it can be a fairly simple and painless and–believe it or not–an odorless process.

First think about what all living things need: air, space, food, water, and proper temperature.  Let’s see how these apply to our friends, the red worms.

Compost Classics

Compost Classics

Meet the Worms
When I talk about the worms, most people think I dig them up from the ground or buy them at a bait shop. Yes, they are earth worms like you find in most soils, but the ones most of us find in North America are deep dwellers, sometimes traveling more than a foot beneath the topsoil. Those earth worms are big soil stirrers, mixing up the organic (leaves, humus, decaying plants, decaying animals) with the inorganic (sand, clay, rocks) parts of the soil. Eisenia fetida, the red wigglers look small and red, are shallow soil dwellers that consume large amounts of decaying matter and do not move around that much. Those that eat a lot and stay put are just what you want from worms that will become your new roommates. They are small for fishing worms, but they can also be bait for fishing. If you bring home night crawlers, worms that fishers love, they’ll do just that. They’ll crawl right out of the bin and probably won’t eat much of your peels and cores and crumbs. Contact your local bait shop or gardening store, but request the worms by Latin name as many species share common names. If you must order them, check out Flowerfield Enterprises, the group Mary Appelhof started, that continues her amazing work with compost research and education.

I think they’re trying to spell “compost.”

Air We Are: Worms Breathe
Worms need oxygen and earth worms breathe through their skin. That’s why we see them up on the sidewalks after a spring rain. They’re drowning in all that water. Before you fill up the bin with worms and bedding, drill some holes in the sides of the bin and in the lid. For a small bin, 10 or 20 holes spread around the lid, and a few holes on all four sides will be sufficient. This isn’t an exact science and if you keep the lid on loosely, that will make up for any holes you didn’t add. Make the holes no bigger than 1/8 inch (0.32 cm), you don’t want to make an escape hatch for the worms. We’re not talking wormholes and shortcuts into the space-time continuum. That will have to save for another day and another post. Back to the bins, some folks will advocate for holes on the bottom for drainage, but then you can only place the bin on certain floors or surfaces. Moisture and water will be addressed below.

A Space of Their Own: a Bin and Bedding

The worm bin in all its glory.

The idea is to provide a healthy welcoming environment for your worms and then they won’t need to explore your home. Start with a pound or so of worms, that’s as many as a thousand worms, and give them some space. I suggest a small box, whether plastic or wooden, like a small plastic storage container. I’ve had wonderful wooden bins, but I like the portability of a plastic box, especially because my worms go on tour for workshops and events. In fact, you might have a storage box taking up space under the bed or in a closet that you can use. These lovely little worms are like suburban sprawlers, so the more surface area the better. While an old five-gallon bucket seems like a good idea, you won’t be able to house many worms. These worms prefer to live in the top few inches of the soil in their native habitat, so no deep boxes or bins. Now you need some bedding. Bedding is anything like ripped up newspapers (newspaper works best as it absorbs moisture more effectively than other types of paper) or old potting soil or leaves, or a combination. You’ll need at least three or four inches of bedding, so the worms have space to move in and amidst the layers. You will constantly need more bedding as you add food, since you will always bury the food under a layer of leaves or ripped up newspapers. The bedding helps to absorb moisture, thus cutting down on smells. Burying food under the bedding helps to prevent fruit flies from finding your compost bin and making it a home-base for breeding. If you recall biology experiments, fruit flies can reproduce faster than you can say “leftovers.” Luckily for us, they can’t burrow, so burying your food scraps will help to keep the fruit flies out of your worm haven. Throw in a small handful of sand, the grit will aid the worms’ gizzards in breaking down their food. Adding a scoop of healthy soil will help to introduce microbes into your worm bin. Now that you have your bin, find a convenient place to store it. I have kept mine in the middle of the living room floor (post college apartment, no furniture), under the sink in the kitchen (convenient for adding food scraps to the worm bin), and in the bottom of the coat closet (out of the way, but close enough to the kitchen, and no my coats don’t stink).

Food From the Heavens: Leftovers and Rotten Bits

Leftovers, a trowel, worms, castings

Leftovers, a trowel, worms, castings


You feed the lovely little creatures food scraps and discards. Banana peels, coffee grounds, apple cores, tea leaves, rotting cabbage, anything that would be considered food or plant waste, including clippings from potted plants. Leftover pasta and stale, moldy bread are okay; as long as it doesn’t contain meat or cheese, it is fit for the worms. You’ll need no more than a half pound or so a day, preferably food that would have gone into the garbage. If you measure your food waste, you’ll be surprised at how quickly a half a pound food adds up to a lot. A healthy pound of worms can eat half their weight in a day, which is about three and a half pounds of food a week. Cut it up into small pieces, like you might hors d’oeuvres for a cocktail party, but these are the dregs, the leftovers, the rotten stuff. Bury the small food bits under a layer of bedding and have more bedding ready as you feed. After that, you leave the worms alone. I feed them a couple of times a week, or as I have food to give, when I am cooking and have peels and stalks to share. All the experts say not too much of any one food, but relax. I have found that as long as you watch how much you place in the bin, spreading the food around evenly in the top layer and then burying it under layers of bedding, your worms should be fine. In addition to food scraps, small bits of paper like tissues, paper napkins, coffee filters, and tea bags can all be consumed by those little worms. I don’t use a paper tissues or paper napkins, but in other bins those bits of paper become both the bedding and the food. It’s estimated that 40% of all food is thrown away in the U.S. While the worms can’t help us to solve that entire problem, as we feed them they can help make us more aware of what is being wasted. We can also keep small amounts out of the landfill and turn them into something better: compost.

Water, Water, Water
Worms need water, but usually you won’t need to water the worm bin. There’s quite a bit of moisture in our food scraps. If you reach into the bin and grab a handful of castings (the black soil) and squeeze, you may get a few droplets. It should feel damp,like a wrung out dishrag. If you see standing pools or puddles in the corners of the bin, it’s too wet and the worms will begin to crawl out. As you can imagine, this would not be an ideal situation. Luckily, it’s easily preventable. Keeping the lid off for short periods of time can help to dry out the bin. Adding more bedding will also help to absorb the moisture. If you still seem to have lots of moisture, find an old turkey baster and use suction to get some of the water out of the bin. You can give this water (or compost tea) to plants or pour it outside around a tree.

Worms Need Warmth
The red wigglers were originally a tropical species found in Asia. They prefer warm (or worm) climates, around 55-77°F (12.8-25.0°C), which is within the temperature range of many human homes. My apartment gets much hotter than that in the summer and still they live and eat and breed. They can survive outside of that temperature range, but they will slow down in their consumption of your unwanted leftovers. Keeping it close to that range is best for the productivity of your worm visitors. For those who would relegate their worms to a basement or garage, check the temperature of those rooms as they can vary widely by season.

Inside vs. Outside
Composting with worms is similar to composting in your backyard. Because lots of soils have worms, people confuse these separate methods of composting. Composting with Eisenia fetida (red wigglers)–I’m rattling off the Latin name again, so that you bring the right worms home–is mainly an indoors endeavor. If you’re squeamish about the idea of worms in your home, this may not be the activity for you, but maybe it is, if you have read this far.

For those concerned about the possibility of inviting an exotic, invasive species into the garden, if these worms make it outside into your yard, they will die in the heat or the cold and won’t spread. That said, there is no need to invite these worms into a backyard compost pile. If you have worms in your yard, they will find your backyard pile. Even if you don’t have earth worms in your soil outside, backyard composting can occur with all the other microbes and decomposers that do live in the soil.

Using the Black Gold
Once the worms begin to eat your food scraps, you have to go back to the basics. What goes in, comes out. Like most beings, once we eat, we excrete. Well, so do the worms. However, their excrement can be called castings, or gardener’s gold, or manure, or wormmanure. Whatever you call it, it’s the deep black part of soil full of nutrients that plants need. Food waste becomes the food of those decomposers which eventually becomes the food of the soil, the food required by plants in which to grow. It all comes ’round. The castings will look like the beautiful dark part of the soil. It’s still amazing to see tea bags, orange peels, coffee grounds, and ripped up newspaper transform into the humus. In about three to four months you will have wonderful worm castings. Mix three parts potting soil with one part castings and you have a nutrient rich plant mix. You can also use the harvested castings as a top-dressing for your potted plants that need some nutrients and extra love.

Harvest the castings by scooping out trowels full as you need. Or use the quick and dirty method: dump the contents of your worm bin onto a tarp and slowly separate the worms from the castings. The worms will go down into the bottom to avoid the light and you can grab what you need before the returning the unfinished compost, worms, and bedding to the bin. And it begins again. . . Have fun and learn about the worms as you go.

Oh, and a sense of humor is helpful with most worthwhile endeavors. Worms lend themselves to all types of jokes. I refrained from lots of my worm puns and compost humor, but I will leave you with one joke.

Worms and their “sense of humus.”

What did the quiet worm say to the joking worm?
You have a great sense of humus.


“There will never be a day when we won’t need dedication, discipline, energy, and the feeling that we can change things for the better.”– Dr. George Sheehan

Sheehan was a runner, writer, and philosopher. He was also a doctor focusing on the heart, but his writing is what grips my heart and spirit. For more about his books and life, check out http://georgesheehan.com. He’s been dead almost 20 years, but his words live on to this day.

“There will nev…

Quitting Times and What I Learned From Pope Benedict


A couple of months ago the world observed Pope Benedict’s last day as pope. While I’m not Catholic, I grew up in heavily Catholic northern New Mexico and I have lots of Catholic family members and friends. I remember after Pope John Paul II died and listening to the radio about the conclave and what it meant to select a new pope. Now I think about the man, who is only the second pope ever to resign. I don’t know all the politics of that decision, but from the little I know and what I have read, I consider that an amazingly brave and humble act.

Usually quitting is considered a negative thing. In our culture, we are encouraged “to try, try, try again.” Mostly quitting denotes failure. Think of the CEO who quits after not succeeding with a turnaround plan for a faltering company. Think of the coach that resigns after losing seasons. Think of someone who leaves after scandal.

Sometimes, though, quitting can be a positive thing. Reflect on the person who sobers up and finally quits drinking. Remember the smoker who takes her last puff. Sometimes quitting isn’t so much about stopping one thing, but getting the chance to try something new. Consider when one has resigned to start a new job. Ponder the break-up with a boyfriend or girlfriend that was positive for everyone in the long run.

I can think of times where making the decision to quit was big and scary, but equally freeing and a huge relief. It helps to have the vantage point of hindsight, and time to heal the wounds, to see that quitting was indeed the right decision. In no way am I comparing my little decisions with the complexity and controversy of Pope Benedict’s, but we all are faced with making tough choices in our own lives. They render us sleepless, breathless, listless and they help us to grow and love and live. We use prayer, thoughtful reflection, lists of pros and cons, the listening ears of comrades, and muffled cries into a silent night to make those painful decisions. Here are some of my quitting times in chronological order.

1. Dumping the high school basketball team in my senior year. I went to a small high school and sports were one of the few opportunities to participate in school activities. I played volleyball, basketball, and ran track, in addition to participating in newspaper, student government, and two other clubs. While some high school coaches were inspirations and mentors, it was hard to respect the tyrannies of the basketball coach. Believe it or not, it had nothing to do with the fact that I was not a good player. I had a good attitude and used practice to stay in shape for track. By my senior year, though, I had just had enough. I quit after the mid-year break, shocked the school, and blind-sided the coach. After the painful confrontation, I had peace and freedom that winter that I hadn’t enjoyed in a long time. It also made me realize it’s important to consider what you spend your time doing and how little and big decisions affect others.

2. Resigning as editor of the college newspaper. Almost 20 years later, this decision hurts to this day. I was in over my head with work and school and editing the paper. With 20/20 hindsight, I should have applied to be the editor as a junior or senior, instead of in my sophomore year. I didn’t have a good command of the Mac and layout software, and after two months of no sleep, it didn’t feel like things were improving. With sand-paper eyes and a weary disposition, I walked over to the communications office to turn in my resignation letter. It was one of the hardest, but most freeing decisions I have ever made. I was also excited to see that the folks I had hired to be assistant editors ended up leading the paper together for the next two years. I was also lucky and grateful to be asked to contribute to the paper as a writer for the remainder of my time at school.

3. Quitting a job after just a year. It was my second “real” job after college, but it had been horrible from the beginning. I wasn’t a good fit in terms of how my skills worked with the job description that changed as soon as I was hired. I quit, but I’m sure if I had stayed I would have been fired eventually. I resigned without having much savings or a back up plan, but luckily found a really good job less than a month later. I learned a lot from that decision and that job; it’s helped me to better evaluate organizations and how my skills fit and what I can contribute. I remember what a relief it was to wake up without dread and butterflies in my stomach. Since that time, more than 12 years ago, I have not ever dreaded coming to work. I have worked for two lovely and wonderful nonprofit organizations and continue to enjoy the thrill of the ride and what I do.

4. Giving up on a relationship. On the surface, it looked like we were a good fit. We laughed and made salads together and shared housekeeping duties and went on hiking adventures. It was the only time I have lived with a significant other, having never been married. He was moving for a new job and it was assumed that I would come along at the start of the summer. It was in the time and space and distance of the winter and spring apart that I woke up to listen to my heart. We broke up, he moved to Missouri, and I stayed in Colorado. He was a gentle man, but I realized we were not meant to be together. There was no big fight, no big transgression, just a recognition of a lack of compatibility and something we had been forcing all along. We remain good friends and have served as each other’s confidantes in our romantic adventures since then. It was wonderful to let go, heal, and with time, come back together as friends.

5. Saying no to soda and diet soda. I have been a coke addict for 20 years. (I’m red-faced and cringing as I type this). In the southwest, you are asked what kind of coke you’ll have and then offered Pepsi, Coke, 7-Up, Dr. Pepper and all the other choices. . .In other parts of the country, it’s pop or soda. Anyway, it’s a habit I’ve harbored and hidden for a long time: cans under the dorm room bed, cans crushed under the car seat, bottles taken out to the recycling in the dead of night. It defied my beliefs in how to treat my body. It conflicted with my ethics in terms of companies I want to support. It proved to be incongruous with my purported conservationist and environmental views. It has only been five weeks, but I don’t have the craving any more. I also can better taste all the drinks I do love. When the urge does come for the cold can, I reach for my water bottle or cans of seltzer. Phew, it feels good to be free of the habit and it feels amazing to let go of the ghosts of my secret obsession.

What have you quit that led to a big sigh of relief? What did you leave behind that allowed you to move forward? When has saying no allowed you to say yes?

On the Road in Nebraska: Cranes, Cather, and Corn


Cranes overhead.In late March, I took a few days off from work and celebrated my free time. Instead of bikinis and beaches and beer brawls, (Thankfully, I’ve never had a spring break like that.) I marked the turn of a week past equinox into my own party of silence and solitude and sandhill cranes. I pointed the car a little north and mostly east to Nebraska! It’s hard to imagine in the midst of a snowy April-early May, but March was mostly mild and dry.

I took off in the middle of the night, just because. Earlier in the day, I had worked to finish up a project and I spent the rest of the day packing, preparing, and running errands. Then I took a nap and had the wild hair to leave just before midnight. I love being up in the middle of the night and awake when the rest of the world seems to be asleep. Plus, it makes the road a very different one traveled.

I drove and drove, watching the sun peek out from the horizon, following semi trucks, passing corn fields, getting glimpses of the Platte River, and savoring a few sightings of cranes. Then I got sleepy, so I pulled into one of the spick-and-span Nebraska highway rest areas. I parked, locked all the doors, and lumbered into the backseat for a little slumber. It felt wonderful. I slept for almost three hours and then woke up to a breakfast of my car-packed treasures: dried apricots, oatmeal cookies, and water. I walked around, stretched a bit, and took off again. Pulling into Gothenburg, I stopped to take in some local history at the Pony Express Station in Ehman Park near the quaint downtown.
Pony Express Station Gothenburg, NEFrom the sweet and helpful volunteer guide, I learned that the Pony Express didn’t necessarily meet its demise entirely due to the telegraph, as I had originally thought. It turns out that history is more complicated than the simple timelines of starts and stops. Several factors, including the telegraph’s invention, the beginning of the Civil War, and the federal government’s decision to award a contract to a competing stagecoach line, all contributed to the end of the Pony Express. History tends to repeat itself in weird ways–our own U.S. Postal Service faces huge budget issues, Congress debates five or six-day postal delivery, and stamp-and-lick mail competes with smart phones and e-mail–bringing to mind the Pony Express. I bought a postcard and looked around the rustic museum, staffed entirely by local volunteers. The building was an original Pony Express station, circa 1860, and in 1931 it was donated by Mrs. C.A. Williams and moved into town where it sits today.

The Pony Express riders faced danger and death, but their job also required a particular level of dedication. Check out the pledge each rider had to sign before working for the Pony Express (thanks to the Souvenir Edition of the Pony Express Times for this): “I do hereby swear before the great and living God that during my engagement with Russell, Majors, and Waddell, I will under no circumstances use profane language; that I will drink no intoxicating liquors; that I will not quarrel or fight with other employees of the firm; and that in every respect I will conduct myself honestly, be faithful in my duties, and so direct all my acts as to win the confidence of my employers. So help me God.” Indeed, it was a different time.

On the way out of Gothenburg, I stopped to get coffee at Deb’s Diner, a cute little cafe in the downtown area. I would have loved to stay and listen to the local gossip, but the road and the cranes were calling. I drove on to Wood River to visit the Crane Trust Nature & Visitor Center, which is right off of I-80. The cute visitor center, also staffed by volunteers, has classrooms, meeting spaces, a gift shop, and snack bar. I didn’t need a class, a meeting, a gift, or a snack, so I took a little walk on their trails. During a different time of day I could see where this would be a good crane watching spot, but I had an appointment for evening viewing at the Rowe Audubon Sanctuary later that afternoon. Instead I enjoyed watching the buffalo herd grazing nearby, ambled through a couple of miles of sunlight, and sniffed the late March breezes. Oh, and I spotted a few cranes in the corn fields nearby.DSC_0068I had just bought a new zoom lens for my camera and was eager to try it out, so I switched lenses and took a few pictures on the trail, loving the zip and zoom of the new one! Back at my car, I checked the pictures, but there were weird speckled splotches all over them. I tried my limited bag of tricks to get the dust off the lens and off the sensor, but nothing was working. Part of the reason for my Nebraska meandering was to get good photos of the cranes. I ran back into the visitor center and asked for an old-school phone book. As I riffled through the yellow pages, the kindly front desk volunteer noticed me and offered her help. I asked if she knew of a local camera shop, she said yes and gave me directions to the camera store in Kearney. I called to make sure they were open and since it was a run-of-the-mill early Thursday afternoon, yes they were. I returned the phone book (only to be used by the next rare cellphone-less visitor, perhaps rarer than a whooping crane) back to the front desk, smiled at the front desk lady, and sprinted out to the parking lot.

Jumping into my car, I sped back to Kearney, catching the tail winds of a way-too-fast-semi. I found the Camera Doctor and ran into the shop, eager to get my illin’ camera back on the mend. After checking out the problem, the tech told me it would take several hours, requiring an overnight. Perhaps sensing (or smelling?) my desperation, he said he would try to fix it before they closed at 5 pm. I let out a quick gasp and said “Yes, thank you!” It would be too late for the evening’s Audubon Center crane-viewing-in-a-blind-appointment, but I’d still have the camera in time for the crack-of-dawn viewing. I called the Audubon Center and explained that I wouldn’t get there in time for the evening and told them to use my fee as a donation or give the reservation to someone else. The woman on the phone, after hearing of my camera dilemma, told me to head to Fort Kearney and I wouldn’t miss out on an evening of sandhill cranes. It was kind of perfect, since I had planned to camp there. She gave me directions to a couple of good spots within the park. Oh, these Nebraskans were killing me with their sweet kindness!

Since it was going to be a couple of hours until my camera was ready, I drove over to Fort Kearney State Recreation Area to scope out my camping site, in case all the crane watchers were also tenters, and to check out the sandhill and whooper hangout spots. I strolled around, getting an idea for the lay of the land, and to see where I might catch the sunset and the objects of my avian affection. I picked an excellent site for setting up the tent, in the late afternoon shadows of very big, old cottonwoods. I seemed to be the only tent camper, but I had a few not-so-close RV neighbors who were quiet, but waved as I walked by. I staked and polled and paid the princely sum of $12 for a night with no electricity and $5 for the entry fee. Compare that beauty and peace to a generic motel room in town going for at least $89 a night, the crane watchers being a boon to local tourism in the late February-early April days. I would prefer my dollars to go to small, independent business and I sleep better on the ground. Once my sleeping arrangements were settled, I drove back to town for dinner supplies and my camera.

The Camera Doctor was in and my camera was all better, no bandages required, for a very reasonable amount. I thanked and thanked him for the excellent and express service and he said he understood the urgency. If I ever want another camera or more equipment, I’m taking a road trip to Kearney. In fact, I almost walked out with a new window mount, but realized I didn’t really need it and the unplanned expense of the camera repair would have to suffice for my contribution to the local monetary exchange. I found a cute little grocery store and stocked up on a good loaf of crusty French bread, some stinky cheese, a Rotisserie chicken, some leaves of spring greens, bananas, chocolate covered raisins, and a bottle of $7.99 Spanish wine. In keeping with local, maybe I should have looked for a fine Nebraska wine. Oh, well, it was dinner for a queen, and breakfast, and lunch, and dinner, and more. Sometimes one stop shopping is kind of groovy, especially when adult beverages are part of the bounty.

The sun was just starting to ebb into late afternoon and my dinner was for later in the darkness. One of the joys of traveling alone is you can eat when you want, where you want. I nibbled on fruit and sunflower seeds on the way back to camp. Leaving my food in the car, I parked tentside and grabbed my back-to-health camera, camera bag, and tripod and settled in for the cranes. I took a few pictures in the blind of cottonwoods, peeping between the trees for glimpses of the birds, but knew I could get some better viewing. I found the best spot near the corn field adjacent to the park. I didn’t want to get in trouble for trespassing on the grains looking for cranes, but was happy to discover a little pavement pullout just across from where folks stop to pay the park fees. I set up my crane camera camp right there. I was close for viewing, but not so close that I felt I’d be harassing the wildlife, and I had plenty of room as not be run off into the ditch by a wide-turning pickup. I sat and listened and watched and took picture after picture. One of the reasons I love digital photography–a five-year young passion–along with the wonders of extra memory cards, is that I can take and point and focus and shoot and repeat over and over. I have a lot to learn, but it’s fun to experiment and try things. Surely a few out of the thousand would turn out well enough to share, the rest to be deleted with a handful saved as my souvenirs.Cranes in sandpit lake at Fort Kearney SRAI stayed there for two and a half hours, snapping pictures, sometimes leaving the camera to the side so I could watch unfiltered and unfettered. The cranes moved together, a few danced, much preening and fluttering of feathers. Lots of grey and white and then flashes of red. Small groups flew into the field, other groups left to join the tribe at the river not far away. A couple of swirls of birds look like plumes of smoke, but then you see the wings and hear the calls. The Platte River in central Nebraska becomes Grand Central Crane Station. The sandhill cranes number in the thousands, even tens of thousands, gathering to feed among the vacant grain fields near the river. They feed and flirt, it’s spring and mating season, of course. The Platte is the stopover, the feeding point for the sandhill cranes to have enough strength for the migration journey. The shallow river, with its sandbars provides perfect habitat for the cranes and staying in large groups in the Platte at night provides protection against predators like coyotes. Watching the migration, taking in the event of a mass movement of fauna is to observe the ancients, as cranes are some of the oldest known bird species. Seemingly delicate, but surprisingly strong and agile, the cranes are an amazing sight. Their courtship rituals include a type of dance and it’s amazing to watch them jump and twirl, quite ballet-like but even more beautiful.DSC_0223The setting sun came next and the flocks of birds left the corn field like muffled calling ghosts. It was onto the more private rituals of night and sleeping, their feet in the freezing Platte, blood vessels constricting to limit the amount of blood needed to be kept warm.Sandhill cranes, clouds, and vapor trailsWhen the sun finally sank below, I finally came out of my dream state. The brisk night air had changed quickly from the warm afternoon breeze, my feet tingly from standing so still, my fingers stiff from shooting pictures, my heart warm from the afternoon’s sights, my soul calm from the rituals of cranes.Sunset and the Sandhill Cranes fly into the night.I finished the evening back at camp sipping alternately between my metal water bottle and directly from the wine bottle. I ate my grocery store dinner with greedy bites, sitting on top of the camp picnic table in solitude and quiet euphoria. After tucking away the food remnants for tomorrow’s meals in the car, I changed into sleeping layers and spread out in the tent. I set the alarm, a rare event for me while camping, because I didn’t want to be late for my morning view reservation back at the Rowe Sanctuary. I fell asleep with the aid of the wine from dinner, anxious to stretch out after the day’s drive.

I woke up before the alarm at 4:30, added more layers to my sleeping layers, swigged some water, and pulled down the tent in a flash of poles and swirls of nylon. The start of my engine cut into the early morning silence and I cringed, turning off my lights until I pulled out onto the road exiting the park. The gas station at the corner before the highway was open, a few miles down the road. I stopped for coffee for the smell and something hot, munched on fruit, and gunned it to the Audubon Center. For $25, you can reserve a spot in one of the viewing blinds, roughly constructed wooden shelters with small cutouts for cameras and viewing, near the banks of the river. I had stuffed my pack the night before with extra gloves, more water, a fold-out guide to cranes, my camera and lenses, and band-aids to keep my flash from going off in the dark. All the literature about coming to visit the Audubon Center to see cranes mentions no flash photography allowed. It makes sense, in the dark and low light of early morning, camera flashes shooting out of the viewing blinds would startle and disturb the cranes. Two years ago, when I came for my first crane adventure, I had left my camera in the car, because I was still new enough not to know how to disable the flash. Then the Audubon volunteer guides came around to the groups with small bits of tape to secure the flashes of cameras. So, this year I was prepared with the band-aids. The wee hours were spent in the blind, quietly intimate with strangers taking in the dancing, the calling, the sleeping, the cooing. We watched and snapped and breathed and loved. No matter, we were all there to take in the romance and beauty and stillness of an early spring morning.DSC_0750I warmed up in the visitor center. The Audubon Center building is a straw bale building, my favorite mode of construction, and quite appropriate for Nebraska. I bought a very sweet and beautiful children’s storybook, Have You Seen Mary? by Jeff Kurrus. The beautiful photographs, taken by Michael Forsberg, illustrate the story of a sandhill crane who loses his mate during migration. At some point, I’d love to do a program on cranes: making paper cranes with kids and reading this great book. After that little respite, I was ready for more cranes, so I headed to a little public observation deck that I remembered from two years ago. It was near the freeway exit to the Audubon Center and offered great views of the Platte. Best of all, it’s free and easily accessible.Observation PlatformI snapped some more pictures, tried out my skills with the tripod, and just enjoyed being in the silent company of others watching birds.
Sunrise and sandhill cranesAfter a couple of times going to watch the sandhill cranes in central Nebraska, I think I’ll return and opt for free and unfiltered viewing at the observation deck near Exit 285 from I-80. It’s the same exit one takes to get to the Rowe Sanctuary, heading south from the freeway, you’ll find the deck on your left with a small gravel parking lot nearby. I will also return to well-equipped Fort Kearney State Recreation Area for camping and more crane watching. After the highly structured and scheduled viewing at the Audubon crane blind, it’s fun to discover my own haunts. Both options have advantages, but either way I feel like I’m far enough away to give the cranes their privacy and protection. I will return to the Audubon for their seminars and birding gossip and to drop some money in their donation boxes. It’s due to their stewardship and habitat preservation that make all this crane watching possible.
Cranes on the Platte River.
Meandering of river and cranes.

After a long and lovely morning of craning for cranes, I loaded up the camera and tripod and ducked (not craned) into my car to take off some clothes. When I woke up it was around 20°F, but there were expectations for  70°F or higher in a few hours. Once I was comfortable and car trip ready, I got back on the freeway heading east. I cranked up the country (always easy to find a country station in the rural United States) and car danced my way to state highways and the Homestead National Monument of America, a National Park Service unit near Beatrice. I hiked through the prairie, visited the heirloom tool collection, and watched the beautiful and moving movie they show in the striking Heritage Center.
DSC_0289 (2)The monument celebrates the Homestead Act, signed into law by Lincoln in 1862 and sits on the site of the first granted homestead of 160 acres of tallgrass prairie to Daniel and Agnes Freeman. While celebrating the homesteading life and hard work of the pioneers, the Monument also highlights the complexity and pain in our history. While the Homestead Act basically set the foundation for settling the West, it also stripped away lands once known to be in the possession of Native American tribes, taking land from one group and giving it to another group. There’s a display of steel outlined states, with squares cut out of the middle representing the proportion (not actual location) of land that was settled by homesteaders. Check out my beloved New Mexico and a few other states where I’ve lived:
DSC_0313 (2) DSC_0315 (2)DSC_0316 (2)DSC_0314 (2) DSC_0318 (2)I can see why the Freemans (and the Native Americans before them) would have picked this land. There’s water nearby and beautiful rolling hills and then imagining a sea of endless prairie paradise made me pause. It’s easy for me for romanticize that life, without having to face the hardships of survival. There’s a restored house, the Palmer-Epard Cabin moved from another homestead, and glimpsing in the windows was like looking into another life. If you happen into central Nebraska, stop by Homestead National Monument of America. You can research old homestead records and learn more about the complexities of this stage of our history. According to the National Park Service, approximately 90 million Americans are descendants of homesteaders and approximately ten percent of land in the U.S. was “given away” in the form of homesteads. Considering the hard work in “proving” the land, I am sure that no one would consider that land completely free.
Palmer-Epard Cabin

I grazed from my leftover grocery store gleanings and pondered the life of a homesteader, but once I gathered my crumbs I was ready to move on to Willa Cather, the daughter of homesteaders, author of numerous books, and winner of the Pulitzer Prize. I drove across Highway 136, a deliciously deserted highway with quiet prairie towns and corn fields. Beautiful old churches and grain elevators provided the skyline of civilization and I imagined living in one of those towns, perhaps teaching school and raising chickens and goats and sheep. The mind wanders as the car miles roll. Finally I reached Red Cloud, but I had to drive through town twice before finding the Willa Cather State Historic Site. First I stopped on the town’s main street to take pictures and an old man walking by looked up. He kept on with his stroll and then turned around and said in a gravelly voice, “I think of this place differently than you.”

Now, if that’s not a conversation starter, or a great opening line for a book, I don’t know anything. I replied, “I am sure you’re right, but what do you mean?” Then in the middle of bricked-road-downtown Red Cloud I had one of the best conversations of my life. The man, I’ll call him Joe, talked about growing up in Red Cloud and aging. He’s 87. The building that I was taking pictures of was the office where his dad had worked, part of the old City Hall where he played and his mom picked up his dad’s paychecks. Joe remembered the days when Red Cloud was bigger and bustling. He fought in World War II and then came back to town and couldn’t find a job. He moved on and worked in fabrication around Nebraska, but returned to Red Cloud in his retirement. His wife is dead and now “most of my friends are too,” but he talked about trying to keep busy. Joe usually drinks coffee and visits at the downtown grocery store “until they kick me out” he told me with a sly smile. He wanted to know about my trip and why I wasn’t married, but we also talked cranes and Willa Cather. He said there continues to be lots of strangers who pull into town looking for the land and sites of Cather’s books.

There’s a small museum with archives and several buildings around town have been preserved as significant in the life of Willa Cather or for serving as scenes in her novels. They offer walking tours of town and there’s a Willa Cather Book Club for the locals. I love literary landmarks and although I am just now growing into Cather’s novels, it’s neat to think about landscape and sense of place. It’s amazing to think how the vast Nebraska prairie formed her vision and provided the setting for her voice. Red Cloud is small and cute, but you could see the population had dwindled through the years. With most of the travel on the Interstate, there are fewer people stopping for meals and gas. Finally Joe looked up and saw the time and remarked in closing, “Well, I guess I should let you get back on the road and I’ll go home and warm up some beans.” I mentioned wanting to come back in the summer to spend more time tooling around Red Cloud and he said he’d be at the grocery store if I wanted to talk more. Joe, I’m returning and I looking forward to chatting some more, if you’ll have me.

Former Garber Bank, Red Cloud City Offices

Talked out and tired, I climbed back into the car for the final stretches of prairie highway, quiet alone time to think and dream. Corn fields spread out all around me, the lovely quiet of rural Saturday night unfolded. The miles went by and I got a wonderful view of setting sun and lightning. I happened to be driving on the heels of a storm that had passed with hail, rain, and tornado watches, according to the frazzled country DJ on the radio. All was calm, though, as I drove. Nebraska, I will return.

DSC_0455 (2)

The beautiful sunset and swirling storm was just the ending for my trip into the land of Corn, Cranes, and Cather.

He Stopped Loving Her. . .the passing of George Jones


I am sure many other people, music writers and aficionados in particular, wrote about the death of George Jones. People pass away everyday, but for some reason his death made me stand up and take notice.

George Jones was 81. He was well-known for his voice and his perfectly coiffed hair. He was also known for drinking, duets with many, and divorce from Tammy Wynette. I can also remember exactly where I was when Tammy Wynette died, in the beginnings of my post-college life, working and planning a move to Minnesota. I remember the radio airwave voices debating her feminism and essays in the newspaper chronicling her troubles, as well as her tunes. The commentaries follow the obituaries of Jones as well. My mother, to this day, swears she doesn’t like country music, but Saturday nights during my childhood included watching Hee Haw, the slightly cheesy and goofy country music and sketch show. I remember the sparkles and the songs and the visits by George Jones and Tammy Wynette. Jones had a magical voice, beautiful phrasing, and lived a hard-scrabbled life that infused his lyrics and music. Together they gave us classic country that will live long in music and memories.

What I think is amazing is that many of us, even the non-country fans, can remember that George Jones was a drinker. A recent country hit, Jason Aldean’s “Dirt Road Anthem,” includes the line, “Laid back swervin’ like I’m George Jones,” a reference to the legend’s drinking and brushes with the law while drinking and driving. Why is it that controversy outweighs the country hits? Perhaps, because country radio tends not to play many artists over 50. While there are many oldies stations, there are few, if any, country music oldies stations. We are relegated to finding the classics on our own in bargain bin CD compilations, searches in digital music logs, or one-line references in songs by today’s singers trying to prove they are “truly country.” I refer them to George Jones and Barbara Mandrell’s duet, “I Was Country When Country Wasn’t Cool.”

While he may have battled addiction for years, I’ve known several who have also waged war against dumbfounding drink and drugs. Bless those who can face their demons in the shadows and not in the glaring lights of neon and fame. As I understand it, Jones enjoyed several years of sobriety at the end of his life. I hope they were peaceful and enjoyable. Right now, I can only think of his music.

“I’m Not Ready Yet” to say goodbye. To answer your question, “Who’s Gonna Fill Their Shoes,” no one can fill yours. Luckily, we can look back at the “Tender Years.” We might ask “Why Baby Why” “He Stopped Loving Her Today”, but we know there was a “Golden Ring.” In our sorrow, “We’re Gonna Hold On” knowing that “We Can Make It.” “A Few Ole Country Boys” may be shown “The Door”, but it’s because we are all nursing an “Achin’ Breakin’ Heart.” George, one can feel “Near You” even when the “Bartender’s Blues” reach us, making it seem that “These Days (I Barely Get By).” We know that even as “The Race Is On,” “Loving You Could Never Be Better.” We are sure, that despite the heartbreak, you are a “One Woman Man” even as we wonder what “Her Name Is.” We just want to take “The Grand Tour” with you, maybe even celebrate “The Ceremony.” It’s “A Good Year For Roses” near the “Two Story House” where we’ll think of you. We know you are “One” “Love Bug.” Heartache and sadness may have made us wonder if “We Must Have Been Out of Our Minds.” As you sang, “She Thinks I Still Care,” we were just hoping you would “Walk Through This World With Me.”

Goodbye, Possum. You’ll be missed. I hope you’re at peace.

Finding the Tangible in Abstract Sympathy


Dew Drops by Merlin2525 - Some Dew Drops I drew for another drawing using Inkscape.

Disasters touch us. They find us, unexpectedly at times. Some touch us directly: our loved ones, our locations, our communities. Sometimes they touch us for abstract reasons that are difficult to articulate.

Like much of the U.S., I’m clamoring for news from Boston, trying to make sense of how explosions came in the middle of smiles and sweat and sore muscles near the finish line of the marathon. It was Patriot’s Day, it was the Boston Marathon for Pete’s sake. This one touched Boston, but it also touched the running community. For those who run and those of us who try to run, the Boston Marathon is big, beautiful, and bountiful. It’s the longest running marathon (with the exception of the Olympic Marathon, which is only run every four years) and one that you have to qualify by time to run (or raise funds for a charity slot). To participate is to celebrate the ability, the journey, the history, the community. Now that celebration has been touched, it’s been marred.

I haven’t been to Boston and I haven’t run a marathon, but running the Boston Marathon is still a dream. I’m reeling. I feel touched by this tragedy, but all of my sympathy, all of my sadness feels abstract. The abstraction hasn’t helped me and it hasn’t helped others. Most of us want to feel useful, but figuring out what to do can be difficult. The Runner’s World website has an up-to-date list of ways to help or show support. Check here if you’re interested to see what’s available. There are planned runs to remember and honor, and people are wearing blue and yellow (the colors of the Boston Marathon). I love how people get together in sorrow and solidarity.

In tears, I pray about what to do, but the answers don’t come or maybe I am not listening.

While there was tragedy, there was also beauty in those who went to help, who ran into the confusion to rescue and offer hope. There was help offered to the runners and spectators, the out-of-towners and locals. Little pockets of community formed as people tried to find their loved ones and struggled to find meaning in the tragedy.

On Facebook, the Mr. Rogers quote to “look for the helpers” is making the rounds. It made the rounds back in December after the shootings in Newtown, Connecticut. This morning, tears streamed down my face as the NPR reporter shared the quote at the end of the hour of Morning Edition.

I’m searching for a way for my sadness and sympathy to be tangible and not a distraction, to be worth something. I remember hearing a news story about the aftermath of the Newtown shootings and how the community is now dwarfed by the number of toys and things sent by people wanting to help. I understand the sentiment and admire the thoughtfulness, but in my judgement a community drowning in toys doesn’t seem to be what is needed. I don’t want to be critical. There’s enough of that in this world.

I prayed some more and I realized the answers had been there all along. Sometimes, the answers to prayers come with the help of those around us and those who seem to be with us. Mr. Rogers said, “Always look for the helpers.” I want to be one of the helpers, but I might not be one of the brave or the badged. I want to help, but Boston is far away. Tomorrow, I’m going for a run because I can. In my slow strides I will look for a way to make it a physical prayer. Being fit and being ready begin with those first slow steps. I want to be ready to run and ready to help. I signed up to donate blood. I signed up for a first aid class, because it’s been too many years since I was trained. Next, I’m looking for the first responder training, because it’s been too long since I carried the skills in my brain or the card in my wallet. While I am stunned by this event, I have to remember all the other tragedies and sadness and destruction and senseless death that didn’t grab the headlines, that missed my attention.

I’ll run or train until it feels like running. I’ll pray. I’ll train to be a first responder. I will also look for the joy and the laughter and the beauty and the love. I’ll practice. And in the next tragedy, I’ll look for the helpers.