Reborn

Photo by Kary Schumpert.

To be reborn, you might think of reincarnation, or it might bring to mind Easter (which was yesterday), or even a spiritual or religious awakening. An awakening can be a huge shift in your internal journey that is reflected in a choice you make to bring big changes to your life. I think that a lot of us have these moments of being reborn in our own lives, and perhaps many throughout our lives. They can come as a result of a big joyous personal event: like the birth of a child or marrying your life partner. They can come during moments of despair, after loss of a job, or a death of a family member, or after a sleepless night contemplating heartbreaking decisions and scenarios. Sometimes they come when we invite the introspection to figure out how to make changes in our lives, or after the fallout of a devastating change when we have to face the unwanted changes head on.

I love to think about these changes, and in retrospect, I can see that some of my most heartbreaking moments caused the best transformations. I like to think of these as personal revolutions, not only as we revolve around the sun and turn older, and also wiser, but also as the wars within ourselves come to some type of ending. In the best case these are a form of healing: spiritually, emotionally, physically, and otherwise. I hope that I will have many more of these transformations, and instead of fighting against them as I am prone to do, I am hoping to lean into them, embracing the changes around me and inside of me.

Sometimes, though, transformation takes a while to sink in. It doesn’t always feel good and it’s a bit different than a house remodel. It’s hard to separate from yourself as you undergo these times of discomfort and growth. Sometimes, we think we have changed, when all along, we’re exactly the same, and we continue in the same weary ruts and patterns that we have established. Sometimes, we can revert to an old self that we thought was firmly buried away. I recently had one of those incidents, where I very quickly reverted to an intensely volatile 15-year-old, full of rage and discomfort. It took me by surprise, and I was saddened by my behavior, as if I had witnessed a storm, rather than caused the furious tornado myself.

While being reborn can be chaotic, scary, and life-altering, I think we can embrace these changes more subtly. In fact, being reborn can be when the second hand returns to twelve, or when we count to ten with deep breaths. Being reborn, that time to start anew, can be after a good sleep, a long talk with a friend, or closing the door and curling up with a book. It can be in journaling to process feelings, and then ripping up the pages, because you don’t need or want to revisit that again. It can come with a moment of pause, or in the forgiveness of a hot shower. It can come with a few tears shed in silence and privacy, maybe even stolen in the stall of a public restroom. It can come to us at any moment, any time that we are open and willing to feel the wounds and also feel the healing.

It’s easy to stand up and share these moments of transformation. In fact, this is how religions are born. But I think sometimes, it’s the quiet moments where we take them in personally, and begin to lay a firm foundation for new growth that comes slowly. Others may notice, but we feel completely different inside ourselves. Only in that quiet reflection you wonder what is different with your yourself or an old friend. Is it a new haircut or a new sweater, or is it a spiritual rebirth?

We don’t have to wait for the storms of life, or points of disaster and discomfort. We don’t have to search for turmoil and argument to have transformation. Sure, it’s lovely when those moments, in retrospect, bring about a conversion in us. I think, though, it feels even better when I can change without chaos or conflict.

I am seeking change and growth, particularly right now, because I think I have been purposefully stuck in a rut for some time now. It feels good to see that I can still evolve and adapt. I hope that embracing change and growth can help me to find grace and receive lessons more openly.

Recently a peaceful night’s sleep was a moment of rebirth. I took a long walk with the dog and had rebirth. I finished a really good book and it was another chance to be reborn. I had a really deep engaging phone call with a friend and that was also a rebirth. The other morning, I sipped coffee and paused in prayer, meditation, and my journal, and it felt like a return to a lovely ritual that I used to do a lot and had somehow forgotten to do for some time. In that 30 minute time, I felt reborn from the peace I felt in my heart all the way to my toes tucked under my crossed legs.

Have you experienced big change recently? Have you greeted transformation? Are you feeling reborn in the quiet steps of a daily walk? How are you tending to yourself and your soul? What is that moment of rebirth for you? Can you see it in others, even if they don’t talk about it?

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