Thanks to Alexander and Judith Viorst’s classic book, Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. I loved this book as a kid and love it as an adult. Go read it after you read my list.
1. I have fever and weird psychedelic thoughts when I have fever. It’s the reason I absolutely hate The Wizard of Oz, because I think I first watched it when I was sick and it’s trippy enough without fever-induced psychedelic thoughts.
2. I can’t swallow a thing. (Dirty jokes may follow, but this is a family friendly blog.) Water, lemonade, tea, honey, nothing is going past this gigantic boulder in my throat.
3. My house is a mess. It makes everything worse when you’re sick.
4. I can’t sleep, but I don’t seem to have energy for anything else.
5. No one is bringing me flowers or care packages. Obviously, this is a center-of-the-universe-complex, but still, no flowers, no care packages. Cue in a rerun of Saturday Night Live with the Church Lady singing the classic “You Don’t Bring Me Flowers.”
6. My brain isn’t working. I can’t seem to read more than a sentence.
7. It’s not a fun sick, where you get to curl up and and rest and feel better. I just feel worse.
8. My back hurts from being in bed too long. Oh, yeah, and I’m achy everywhere.
9. I’m whiny which doesn’t make being sick any better. This is not a good vintage whine. (Yes, my brain is fuzzy, but I still can use puns.)
10. I’m hot and cold and hot and cold and hot and cold and hot, like every two seconds. It’s like hot flashes, or weather in New Mexico, I guess.
Okay, I’m done complaining. Good thing I didn’t say 20 things. . .